The last 'vacation' on which my family and I went was last holiday season ... to San Francisco. MIL and her husband lived in S San Fran at the time (they have since moved to Ft Worth, and I've been informed we are going for Thanksgiving ... but THAT's another story.)
It was the first time DD and DS2 had been on an airplane, so I was worried. The Conair crash in Lexington was still semi-fresh in people's minds, so I was worried. We were all traveling on the same plane, so I was worried. (Are you sensing the theme here?). I had gum in case the kids' ears started to pop. DS2's did and it scared him a bit. But I shouldn't have worried (as much.) I was sitting with DD (and she was next to the window). As we started to speed down the runway, she SHOUTED, "Faster! FASTER!!!" *lol*
Our flight from Louisville on Southwest was shortly after 7 am I believe and we were there by 4:30. Admirable, but nothing was open that early...not even the baggage check-in. But we did find the closest parking spot in long-term parking. It is quite difficult to keep three high-energy children safe and entertained in a nearly deserted airport for a couple of hours.
On our plane change in Las Vegas, I wanted to take a turn at some slots ... but it just didn't work out. Later, we arrived in San Jose and "Grammy" (MIL) was waiting and estatic to see us ... well, the kids anyway. While we were waiting for the luggage, she offered to take the kids to the car and come pick us up. Due to certain events in our shared past, I was not in favor of that option. We got out all the same. She had rented a small SUV for the duration of our visit, because her Cadillac (the only kind of car she will drive-don't I WISH!) wouldn't fit us all and the luggage too.
There is, of course, a LOT more to this story, but that will come out over the months. One thing I did vow, was that I would NEVER again travel at December holiday time with the whole family. Well, at least this year, we will be gone (to SLC to visit MY family) and back by December 17th.
I wish I had seen this list for "Navigating the Airport During Peak Times". It's great to see familiy, especially during holidays or birthdays or at family reunions. But give yourself every advantage you can, so the vacation can be a relaxing change, and not just recovery from the trip!
Feel free to post any additional travel tips you may have. Thanks!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
INSURANCE - October 2007
The last couple of months for my family have proven how valuable insurance is not for our physical health, but also for our financial health.
My husband began experiencing chest pains. We went 4 (?) times to the ER in 6-8 weeks, including two trips by ambulance. It wound up being his gallbladder. There was one surgery (that was bungled in the pre-op phase, and nearly killed him) which was not actually done, and another surgery (in a different hospital), complications from that necessitated a return trip to the hospital and a 2nd outpatient 'procedure'.
I shudder to think what our bills would be like without insurance.
Then there were the bills when my daughter was born. I had insurance through my work. On my 2nd OB visit, the office presented me with their calculation of what I would still owe the doctor, once the insurance had covered what they would cover ... and it was about $1200, which they would graciously allow me to pay over 6 months. I just about crumbled at that point, because we didn't have $200 TOTAL to give the doctor, let alone $200 per month for 6 months.
I turned to Medicaid at that point. I'm not sure, but think that pregnancy is just about an automatic in for Medicaid at the income level we had then. And thank goodness it was!
I had a high-risk pregnancy, due to my age, high blood pressure and gestational diabetes, so I also had to visit a specialist. My daughter wound up being born 2 months early, weighing 3 lbs .4 oz at birth. She stayed 22 days in the hospital and the hospital bill (covered 100 pct by my insurance at work) was in the neighborhood of $60K.
It can be frustrating, too. We have dental insurance through my work. But it sucks. There is a yearly limit per person of $1,000. I can't even get one tooth fixed for that much, KWIM?
Then there is life insurance, which is another near-necessity, especially if you are a one-income family. What happens when the wage-earner passes on? This was the case with my father died at 47 years of age. He only had term life insurance, but luckily it was still in force. It was of sufficient amount to pay off the mortgage to the house in which we were living, which was a HUGE load off my mother's mind.
Do you have any stories about insurance - good or bad? Feel free to share them here!
My husband began experiencing chest pains. We went 4 (?) times to the ER in 6-8 weeks, including two trips by ambulance. It wound up being his gallbladder. There was one surgery (that was bungled in the pre-op phase, and nearly killed him) which was not actually done, and another surgery (in a different hospital), complications from that necessitated a return trip to the hospital and a 2nd outpatient 'procedure'.
I shudder to think what our bills would be like without insurance.
Then there were the bills when my daughter was born. I had insurance through my work. On my 2nd OB visit, the office presented me with their calculation of what I would still owe the doctor, once the insurance had covered what they would cover ... and it was about $1200, which they would graciously allow me to pay over 6 months. I just about crumbled at that point, because we didn't have $200 TOTAL to give the doctor, let alone $200 per month for 6 months.
I turned to Medicaid at that point. I'm not sure, but think that pregnancy is just about an automatic in for Medicaid at the income level we had then. And thank goodness it was!
I had a high-risk pregnancy, due to my age, high blood pressure and gestational diabetes, so I also had to visit a specialist. My daughter wound up being born 2 months early, weighing 3 lbs .4 oz at birth. She stayed 22 days in the hospital and the hospital bill (covered 100 pct by my insurance at work) was in the neighborhood of $60K.
It can be frustrating, too. We have dental insurance through my work. But it sucks. There is a yearly limit per person of $1,000. I can't even get one tooth fixed for that much, KWIM?
Then there is life insurance, which is another near-necessity, especially if you are a one-income family. What happens when the wage-earner passes on? This was the case with my father died at 47 years of age. He only had term life insurance, but luckily it was still in force. It was of sufficient amount to pay off the mortgage to the house in which we were living, which was a HUGE load off my mother's mind.
Do you have any stories about insurance - good or bad? Feel free to share them here!
Monday, October 15, 2007
HEALTH/WELLNESS - October 2007
To me, "health" can be physical, psychological, emotional, etc. "Wellness", on the other hand, happens more when all our various "healths" are working together like a well-oiled machine. Maybe the word I'm looking for is that wellness is more "esoteric" than health.
Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought I would concentrate on that for now, and work through a different aspect of health or wellness each month. (You may have noticed I'd "gone pink" for the month, and would like to encourage anyone else to do the same. There's still time!)
Two main obstacles with breast cancer are fear of the unknown and fear of death.
The American Cancer Society has a great page with basic facts (and of course links to just about anything you would want to know.
They also have a great resource called the NexProfiler Treatment Option Tool for Breast Cancer that helps those (women AND men) with breast cancer with choices they need to make concerning their health care.
I also looked at the About.com site for cancer and found a list of celebrities who had cancer and survived, which I thought might be an inspiration for people. Actress Edie Falco, singer Melissa Ethridge and activist Gloria Steinem are just three of the list of well-known survivors of breast cancer. I remember watching a Montel Williams show once where he talked about his breast cancer ... so it's not just for women anymore, KWIM?
One of the easiest things to do to fight cancer if you already have it, or reduce your risk if you don't is by eating cancer-fighting foods. (OT here: I think it's a little funny that a search for "Top Ten Cancer Fighting Foods" yielded more results than simply "Cancer-fighting foods".) Here are the top ten:
Here are some closing words from The Buddha:
May all beings everywhere
plagued with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending one another.
Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought I would concentrate on that for now, and work through a different aspect of health or wellness each month. (You may have noticed I'd "gone pink" for the month, and would like to encourage anyone else to do the same. There's still time!)
Two main obstacles with breast cancer are fear of the unknown and fear of death.
The American Cancer Society has a great page with basic facts (and of course links to just about anything you would want to know.
They also have a great resource called the NexProfiler Treatment Option Tool for Breast Cancer that helps those (women AND men) with breast cancer with choices they need to make concerning their health care.
I also looked at the About.com site for cancer and found a list of celebrities who had cancer and survived, which I thought might be an inspiration for people. Actress Edie Falco, singer Melissa Ethridge and activist Gloria Steinem are just three of the list of well-known survivors of breast cancer. I remember watching a Montel Williams show once where he talked about his breast cancer ... so it's not just for women anymore, KWIM?
One of the easiest things to do to fight cancer if you already have it, or reduce your risk if you don't is by eating cancer-fighting foods. (OT here: I think it's a little funny that a search for "Top Ten Cancer Fighting Foods" yielded more results than simply "Cancer-fighting foods".) Here are the top ten:
- tomatoes
- broccoli sprouts
- berries
- soybeans
- tea
- pumpkin
- spinach
- garlic
- pineapple
- apple
Here are some closing words from The Buddha:
May all beings everywhere
plagued with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending one another.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
ORGANIZATION - October 2007
"Organization" can mean a lot of things ... from your kids keeping their rooms picked up, to the family finances being in order, to having a plan to keep the household running smoothly.
If you happen to be amongst the organizationally-challenged (like me), thank goodness there are PLENTY of online resources to help you out.
Since Halloween is coming up, I'm going to feature some Halloween Tips from the Get Organized Now website:
If you happen to be amongst the organizationally-challenged (like me), thank goodness there are PLENTY of online resources to help you out.
Since Halloween is coming up, I'm going to feature some Halloween Tips from the Get Organized Now website:
Getting Organized for Halloween: 10 Spooktacular TipsGo here for the 'fleshed-out' version of the above! :)
by Maria Gracia
- MAKE A LIST.
- DECORATE FOR THE SEASON.
- FIND THE FESTIVITIES.
- SEARCH YOUR TV LISTINGS.
- BUY TREATS AHEAD OF TIME.
- ORGANIZE TREATS INTO TREAT BAGS.
- ORGANIZE A HALLOWEEN PARTY.
- GET READY FOR PARTIES YOU'RE ATTENDING.
- SEND OUT HALLOWEEN GREETINGS.
- ENJOY THE SEASON.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
GENEALOGY - October 2007
(Sorry for the 2nd post in a day, but I missed a day and am catching up.)
A Yahoo search of the term "genealogy" offers 70,500,000 results. (That's 70.5 MILLION). Google shows 38,600,000. Clearly I'm not the only one thinking about this.
If you've started on yours ... congratulations and good job!
If you haven't started gathering information about your family and ancestors, what's keeping you? :) For myself, I'm always a bit daunted at the beginning of a big job ... and this task can be HUGE! Luckily for folks like us, there are bazillions of resources, both on and off-line. Most local libraries have a genealogy section where you can find valuable local records. Probably the biggest repository of physical records in the word is maintained by the LDS Church (Mormons) in Salt Lake City, Utah.
If you want to create a record of names, dates and events (birth, marriage, etc) for your family, two indispensable forms will be the "Family Group Record" and the "Pedigree Chart". I'm having trouble getting the links to work, so am providing another source: (Family Group Record), (Pedigree Chart).
The FGR allows you to record information for a biological father, mother and their children. In case of a couple without children, you can just use the "husband" and "wife" spaces.
The PC starts with one person and traces their mother and father, and maternal and paternal ancestors - and usually covers four generations, although I have seen them with as many as eleven generations covered. Just in case anyone is interested, 11 generations is 2,047 people!
If you've got any questions, please feel free to ask.
I guess it had been a while since my last entry on genealogy, so some of this information is repeated, but if anyone's interested, here is my previous entry on the subject: http://familyhomeworkshop.blogspot.com/2007/07/roots.html.
We don't do enough of this today. I am so guilty myself. My mother is 84 ... her brother is 86. If their stories and knowledge of my ancestors is not recorded soon, it will be harder to find later on ... if not impossible.ge·ne·al·o·gyDictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
[jee-nee-ol-uh-jee, -al-, jen-ee-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -gies.
1. a record or account of the ancestry and descent of a person, family, group, etc.
2. the study of family ancestries and histories.
3. descent from an original form or progenitor; lineage; ancestry.
4. Biology. a group of individuals or species having a common ancestry: The various species of Darwin's finches form a closely knit genealogy. [Origin: 1250–1300; ME genealogie <>geneālogia <>geneālogía pedigree, equiv. to generace (see gene) + -logia -logy
]
—Related formsge·ne·a·log·i·calge·ne·a·log·i·cal·ly, adverbge·ne·al·o·gist, noun
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
A Yahoo search of the term "genealogy" offers 70,500,000 results. (That's 70.5 MILLION). Google shows 38,600,000. Clearly I'm not the only one thinking about this.
If you've started on yours ... congratulations and good job!
If you haven't started gathering information about your family and ancestors, what's keeping you? :) For myself, I'm always a bit daunted at the beginning of a big job ... and this task can be HUGE! Luckily for folks like us, there are bazillions of resources, both on and off-line. Most local libraries have a genealogy section where you can find valuable local records. Probably the biggest repository of physical records in the word is maintained by the LDS Church (Mormons) in Salt Lake City, Utah.
If you want to create a record of names, dates and events (birth, marriage, etc) for your family, two indispensable forms will be the "Family Group Record" and the "Pedigree Chart". I'm having trouble getting the links to work, so am providing another source: (Family Group Record), (Pedigree Chart).
The FGR allows you to record information for a biological father, mother and their children. In case of a couple without children, you can just use the "husband" and "wife" spaces.
The PC starts with one person and traces their mother and father, and maternal and paternal ancestors - and usually covers four generations, although I have seen them with as many as eleven generations covered. Just in case anyone is interested, 11 generations is 2,047 people!
If you've got any questions, please feel free to ask.
I guess it had been a while since my last entry on genealogy, so some of this information is repeated, but if anyone's interested, here is my previous entry on the subject: http://familyhomeworkshop.blogspot.com/2007/07/roots.html.
FRIENDS - October 2007
I am a blessed woman.
I have a roof over my head.
I have a job.
I have a car to get me back and forth to my job.
I have a spouse.
I have two sons, aged 10 and 9.
I have a daughter, age 4.
I have friends.
I have online friends. They are great because I can always find a sympathetic ear, or someone who can tell me like it is. They are wonderful and accepting, uninhibited with the freedom afforded by the Internet. One really great thing is that they are from ALL OVER THE WORLD, and usually someone is awake, no matter WHAT time of day it is here! *lol*
I have offline friends. They are great too, for a lot of the same reasons as my online buddies. I can also shake their hands, give and receive physical hugs and go out to midnight bingo with them.
I could do without the roof (ok, maybe not now that winter is on the way). I could do without the car (there's a little store, a bank and a post office down the street...AND there are two computers in my house that are WIRED!).
But do without my family and friends? I DON'T THINK SO!
My single best piece of friendship advice for the month (I wish I could claim it as my own)? To have good friends - BE a good friend!
I have a roof over my head.
I have a job.
I have a car to get me back and forth to my job.
I have a spouse.
I have two sons, aged 10 and 9.
I have a daughter, age 4.
I have friends.
I have online friends. They are great because I can always find a sympathetic ear, or someone who can tell me like it is. They are wonderful and accepting, uninhibited with the freedom afforded by the Internet. One really great thing is that they are from ALL OVER THE WORLD, and usually someone is awake, no matter WHAT time of day it is here! *lol*
I have offline friends. They are great too, for a lot of the same reasons as my online buddies. I can also shake their hands, give and receive physical hugs and go out to midnight bingo with them.
I could do without the roof (ok, maybe not now that winter is on the way). I could do without the car (there's a little store, a bank and a post office down the street...AND there are two computers in my house that are WIRED!).
But do without my family and friends? I DON'T THINK SO!
My single best piece of friendship advice for the month (I wish I could claim it as my own)? To have good friends - BE a good friend!
Friday, October 12, 2007
IN-LAWS - October 2007
I thought this month I'd start introducin my in-laws to you:
MIL-is the first in-law (to be) that I met. She came to visit DH before we were married and took us shopping (woohoo!). We went into Sears and happened to walk through the children's department. They had some terribly cute baby girl dresses on a rack and I made the mention "Oh, Chris, look at the cute dresses!" She stopped and turned around, "Do y'all have something to tell me?" (We didn't at that time.)
MIL started out being a great source of support. We would talk frequently on the phone and email back and forth. For a time I considered that I was closer to her than to my own mother. (My family has always been so 'formal'.) I thought that if anything ever happened to DH and me that MIL and her husband would be the perfect folks to take care of our kids ... as I truly thought that she would bust a gut to protect and provide for them.
Flash forward a couple of years, one marriage, and two children later. We fell on some hard times and moved the familiy into a motel. Not the optimum environment for children, to be sure, but we were very watchful of the boys.
Anyway, MIL decides that we need "help", and her idea of help at this point was to draw up a 'contract' of how we were to improve ourselves. We were to sign and keep all points of the contract or she would try to get custody of our children. Her SIL, who lived in the same town as us, was to have checked up on us. She did actually come and talk to us once. (I wasn't thrilled about this situation, but my self-esteem was not the best at this time.)
Well, the next thing we know - about two days later - is a knock on our door at night, and a process server with papers showing that MIL has gone ahead and had a court date set up for a hearing to determine our fitness as parents. The most disturbing issue on the papers was the fact that it asked for custody between MIL and DH ... my name wasn't included.
The first court date was about a month after "the" 9/11. MIL was not there. Her lawyer asked for, and was granted, a continuance based on that air travel was too hectic after 9/11. I wish we could have shown that she had criss-crossed the country several times by plane in the interim. She just wanted the court date to be during a planned visit to Ft Worth some weeks down the road.
The week before her visit, Chris said that she told him she was withdrawing the case. I said, "Fine. Let's get the letter saying that from our lawyer." Two days before the hearing, he said that MIL had instructed her lawyer to drop the case, so we didn't need to go to court. I said, "Fine. Unless I have the paper in my hand, I am going to show up anyway." Given all that had happened, I wouldn't put it past her to try and trick us.
Personally, I think she dropped the case because we were not going to let her see the boys until after the hearing. But that's just my opinion.
I am no longer angry at her for trying to get custody of the boys...of course, it's been six years. She asked me that Christmas-time if I hated her and her husband. I said I did not agree with what she had done, but that hate was a waste of my time. She had, by her own admission, not been a stellar mother in her own right and I think part of her thought was that she could make up for that through my children.
Now, we are cordial when we meet. But we don't talk on the phone much, and hardly ever email. And if she ever takes the kids somewhere alone, it is without my knowledge or my blessing.
MIL is very into family and geneaology (which we have in common) and heritage. She's a member of the DAR, Daughters of the American Pilgrims and organizations of that sort. She has good drive, so she has been an officer in quite a few of the organizations to which she belongs, including some state level positions.
She and her husband recently "retired" from San Francisco to Ft Worth, where they both spent time in their youth. They had a house built on land next to a house where she grew up on the north side of town. It is very handicapped accessible (her husband is a triple amputee from the Viet Nam Era) and has a "panic room". I'd kind of like to see that someday.
I'm sure there's more I could write about her, but I'm equally sure that will come out here and there in future posts.
What's your MIL like?
MIL-is the first in-law (to be) that I met. She came to visit DH before we were married and took us shopping (woohoo!). We went into Sears and happened to walk through the children's department. They had some terribly cute baby girl dresses on a rack and I made the mention "Oh, Chris, look at the cute dresses!" She stopped and turned around, "Do y'all have something to tell me?" (We didn't at that time.)
MIL started out being a great source of support. We would talk frequently on the phone and email back and forth. For a time I considered that I was closer to her than to my own mother. (My family has always been so 'formal'.) I thought that if anything ever happened to DH and me that MIL and her husband would be the perfect folks to take care of our kids ... as I truly thought that she would bust a gut to protect and provide for them.
Flash forward a couple of years, one marriage, and two children later. We fell on some hard times and moved the familiy into a motel. Not the optimum environment for children, to be sure, but we were very watchful of the boys.
Anyway, MIL decides that we need "help", and her idea of help at this point was to draw up a 'contract' of how we were to improve ourselves. We were to sign and keep all points of the contract or she would try to get custody of our children. Her SIL, who lived in the same town as us, was to have checked up on us. She did actually come and talk to us once. (I wasn't thrilled about this situation, but my self-esteem was not the best at this time.)
Well, the next thing we know - about two days later - is a knock on our door at night, and a process server with papers showing that MIL has gone ahead and had a court date set up for a hearing to determine our fitness as parents. The most disturbing issue on the papers was the fact that it asked for custody between MIL and DH ... my name wasn't included.
The first court date was about a month after "the" 9/11. MIL was not there. Her lawyer asked for, and was granted, a continuance based on that air travel was too hectic after 9/11. I wish we could have shown that she had criss-crossed the country several times by plane in the interim. She just wanted the court date to be during a planned visit to Ft Worth some weeks down the road.
The week before her visit, Chris said that she told him she was withdrawing the case. I said, "Fine. Let's get the letter saying that from our lawyer." Two days before the hearing, he said that MIL had instructed her lawyer to drop the case, so we didn't need to go to court. I said, "Fine. Unless I have the paper in my hand, I am going to show up anyway." Given all that had happened, I wouldn't put it past her to try and trick us.
Personally, I think she dropped the case because we were not going to let her see the boys until after the hearing. But that's just my opinion.
I am no longer angry at her for trying to get custody of the boys...of course, it's been six years. She asked me that Christmas-time if I hated her and her husband. I said I did not agree with what she had done, but that hate was a waste of my time. She had, by her own admission, not been a stellar mother in her own right and I think part of her thought was that she could make up for that through my children.
Now, we are cordial when we meet. But we don't talk on the phone much, and hardly ever email. And if she ever takes the kids somewhere alone, it is without my knowledge or my blessing.
MIL is very into family and geneaology (which we have in common) and heritage. She's a member of the DAR, Daughters of the American Pilgrims and organizations of that sort. She has good drive, so she has been an officer in quite a few of the organizations to which she belongs, including some state level positions.
She and her husband recently "retired" from San Francisco to Ft Worth, where they both spent time in their youth. They had a house built on land next to a house where she grew up on the north side of town. It is very handicapped accessible (her husband is a triple amputee from the Viet Nam Era) and has a "panic room". I'd kind of like to see that someday.
I'm sure there's more I could write about her, but I'm equally sure that will come out here and there in future posts.
What's your MIL like?
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
MARRIAGE - October 2007
I have been married twice. Both times I met the man over the internet, in role-playing games. The first time, I didn't meet the man face to face until about 4 hours before we got married. (I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT I WAS YOUNGER AND STUPID(ER) THEN! I also plead temporary insanity.)
Looking back, I don't think he wanted to be married. Either that, or our ideas on what a marriage should be were vastly divergent. He wanted a place to crash and food in the refrigerator without having to do much for it. I wanted a husband and down the line a family.
We had six months ... that didn't leave much time for the family part. The 'legal' marriage lasted a while longer, only because I couldn't afford (even with pauper filing) the fees, and he didn't care one way or the other, provided he was out of SLC and away from the husband of his mistress (who wanted to kill him). But I digress ....
Flash forward 3 years to meeting DH2 in person. He was supposed to come out for a week to visit. He wound up staying. That was 11+ years, one wedding and 3 children ago.
It hasn't always been easy. The first child came a few months before our wedding ... after my first experience at marriage, I wasn't eager at all to try it again. At one point before we found out we were pregnant, he went on a business trip ... that was rumored to be something more ... and I felt he might not come back.
During the first of many job 'hiccups', his employer at the time put a stop-payment on one of his paychecks, and I found out my checking account was almost $1,000 OVERDRAWN a couple of days before the wedding.
I think the biggest challenge we have survived was his multiple "job training trips" to Atlanta and Columbia (?), SC. The "icing on the cake" of that experience was a woman phoning the house one night and me picking up the phone: she asked if DH would take a paternity test for her TWIN BOYS. He was putting the boys to bed when the call came in; I went and told him about the call, and we switched places. When he came back, he said that there was no one on the line. (Well, that'll happen when you hang up on them, now, won't it?)
So why are we still together? I didn't just make promises to DH when we got married, I made promises to God. We have been blessed to be steward-parents to our 3 children. And I wasn't promised it would be easy ... only that it would be worth it.
I believe the marriage partnership is pivotal in making strong homes and families. You may have a differnt arrangement ... just translate into whatever social terms you need to; I'll keep using "marriage" to refer to the partnership of the two heads of household, because that is in my experience.
If you would like to share a tip, or the best and worst of your marriage, or just share some thoughts, please feel free to comment!
Looking back, I don't think he wanted to be married. Either that, or our ideas on what a marriage should be were vastly divergent. He wanted a place to crash and food in the refrigerator without having to do much for it. I wanted a husband and down the line a family.
We had six months ... that didn't leave much time for the family part. The 'legal' marriage lasted a while longer, only because I couldn't afford (even with pauper filing) the fees, and he didn't care one way or the other, provided he was out of SLC and away from the husband of his mistress (who wanted to kill him). But I digress ....
Flash forward 3 years to meeting DH2 in person. He was supposed to come out for a week to visit. He wound up staying. That was 11+ years, one wedding and 3 children ago.
It hasn't always been easy. The first child came a few months before our wedding ... after my first experience at marriage, I wasn't eager at all to try it again. At one point before we found out we were pregnant, he went on a business trip ... that was rumored to be something more ... and I felt he might not come back.
During the first of many job 'hiccups', his employer at the time put a stop-payment on one of his paychecks, and I found out my checking account was almost $1,000 OVERDRAWN a couple of days before the wedding.
I think the biggest challenge we have survived was his multiple "job training trips" to Atlanta and Columbia (?), SC. The "icing on the cake" of that experience was a woman phoning the house one night and me picking up the phone: she asked if DH would take a paternity test for her TWIN BOYS. He was putting the boys to bed when the call came in; I went and told him about the call, and we switched places. When he came back, he said that there was no one on the line. (Well, that'll happen when you hang up on them, now, won't it?)
So why are we still together? I didn't just make promises to DH when we got married, I made promises to God. We have been blessed to be steward-parents to our 3 children. And I wasn't promised it would be easy ... only that it would be worth it.
I believe the marriage partnership is pivotal in making strong homes and families. You may have a differnt arrangement ... just translate into whatever social terms you need to; I'll keep using "marriage" to refer to the partnership of the two heads of household, because that is in my experience.
If you would like to share a tip, or the best and worst of your marriage, or just share some thoughts, please feel free to comment!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
BLENDED FAMILIES - October 2007
Granted, I do not have a lot of experience with blended families. My first marriage did not produce any children (thank goodness). But by blended, I mean families that come into being through remarriage, or when one or both new spouses bring children to the group.
Both of my husband's parents remarried early on. My FIL has been remarried for more than 26 years now, and she had a son from a previous marriage. So DH has a step-brother from there. His mother (my MIL) also remarried several times, like five or 6, and finally married the man she was seeing before she met my FIL. He has four children, I believe, from a previous marriage, so there are two step-brothers and two step-sisters from that union.
If the new spouses have children together, then you get the half-brother and sister relationships going on. There are few relationships of this sort in my family on either side, at least any of which I am aware.
So, do I have step-brothers and step-sisters-in-law? The ones that live in California, I've had no contact with, and don't think I ever will. They're just not too interested in any contact, and other than the oldest son and his family, I don't see much probability of it happening. I've been thinking, though, that MIL and her current husband would like a present from the "grandkids", that being the two step-cousins to my children and my three.
My FIL's wife's son has two children, a daughter who is a year older than my girl and a son, who is going on 2, I think. My DD's nose got out joint one of the last times we visited, because the boy was there and getting some of "her" attention. It was amusing and touching to watch.
So, how do those of you with immediate blended families do it? Keep house and home and bodies together?
Both of my husband's parents remarried early on. My FIL has been remarried for more than 26 years now, and she had a son from a previous marriage. So DH has a step-brother from there. His mother (my MIL) also remarried several times, like five or 6, and finally married the man she was seeing before she met my FIL. He has four children, I believe, from a previous marriage, so there are two step-brothers and two step-sisters from that union.
If the new spouses have children together, then you get the half-brother and sister relationships going on. There are few relationships of this sort in my family on either side, at least any of which I am aware.
So, do I have step-brothers and step-sisters-in-law? The ones that live in California, I've had no contact with, and don't think I ever will. They're just not too interested in any contact, and other than the oldest son and his family, I don't see much probability of it happening. I've been thinking, though, that MIL and her current husband would like a present from the "grandkids", that being the two step-cousins to my children and my three.
My FIL's wife's son has two children, a daughter who is a year older than my girl and a son, who is going on 2, I think. My DD's nose got out joint one of the last times we visited, because the boy was there and getting some of "her" attention. It was amusing and touching to watch.
So, how do those of you with immediate blended families do it? Keep house and home and bodies together?
Monday, October 8, 2007
EXTENDED FAMILY - October 2007
Thank goodness families don't stop at parents and children, eh? I've never lived hear so many relatives in my life as I have since we moved to Kentucky. Ok, they're in-laws, but they count! *lol*
In the family into which I was born, there was my father (now deceased), my mother, my brother and myself.
My Dad's brother (RS) had two sons, one of whom is married. My uncle's oldest son is married with at least one daughter.
Dad's oldest sister (SS) had 3 children-two boys and a girl. The oldest son is married with children. The younger son was single at last report. And my girl cousin has children ... but I'm not sure if she is married at this point.
Dad's youngest sister (MW) got married, but never had children.
My mother had only one brother (WB). He and his first wife (who passed on within the last few years), had 3 daughters. My oldest cousin in this family (MT) married, but also had no children. Her sister (CB) never married and has no children. The youngest (BB) never married and died from a drug overdose some years ago.
In my immediate family there is DH, DS1, DS2 and DD.
So, I go from being me (alone in the world) to having 30 living family members (and those are just the blood relatives)!
I'm not even going to get started on the in-laws this month, because neither you nor I have that kind of time! *lol*
What does YOUR extended family look like?
In the family into which I was born, there was my father (now deceased), my mother, my brother and myself.
My Dad's brother (RS) had two sons, one of whom is married. My uncle's oldest son is married with at least one daughter.
Dad's oldest sister (SS) had 3 children-two boys and a girl. The oldest son is married with children. The younger son was single at last report. And my girl cousin has children ... but I'm not sure if she is married at this point.
Dad's youngest sister (MW) got married, but never had children.
My mother had only one brother (WB). He and his first wife (who passed on within the last few years), had 3 daughters. My oldest cousin in this family (MT) married, but also had no children. Her sister (CB) never married and has no children. The youngest (BB) never married and died from a drug overdose some years ago.
In my immediate family there is DH, DS1, DS2 and DD.
So, I go from being me (alone in the world) to having 30 living family members (and those are just the blood relatives)!
I'm not even going to get started on the in-laws this month, because neither you nor I have that kind of time! *lol*
What does YOUR extended family look like?
Sunday, October 7, 2007
DAUGHTERS AND SISTERS - October 2007
I've never had a sister, although I do have a daughter.
There is a resident at work that I call "sister" sometimes. "N" is almost exactly 10 years older than me. We're about the same body style/shape and now that I've gotten my hair cut, we look the same there too (except my hair is naturally curly and hers is not). She is non-verbal, but I've learned over the course of the past year that she sings monosyllabic (duh-duh-duh) versions of "Jesus Loves Me" and "Happy Birthday"!
I get frustrated sometimes because she can't tell me when or where she hurts. But it is easy to tell when that is the case, because she becomes very obstinate (almost combative at times) ... gee, that sounds familiar too! *lol* My husband will probably tell you that I get really, REALLY quiet when I'm upset or in pain and can be quite the biotch.
"N"'s birthday is 5 days before mine.
She has myriad physical and medical issues as well. She can walk, but requires two helpers and a gait belt and is still extremely unsteady. Most of the time she is in a wheelchair, a recliner or her bed. But she tries to assist in her care anyway. Some of the other residents cannot or will not help, the former being one of those things that is what it is and you just have to deal with it, because if it was you ... or a relative of yours, you would want them to have the very best care possible. Some residents go out of their way to make things more difficult and that can be downright aggravating sometimes, but we walk a delicate line between assisting them in becoming more independent and allowing them to exercise that independence. (I'll get back on topic now.)
"N" is also prone to seizures. I've had to help hold her at times when the nurse has given her a shot of anti-seizure med and it has not been easy.
"N" is a good hugger and her smile can light up my day.
*****
Now, for my daughter.
This is my little angel at a couple of months old. I was beginning to think that I would never have the chance to have a little girl of my own. I was getting towards the end of "traditional" child-bearing years (whatever that means) and it had been four years since I had been preggers. I began to suspect that I was pregnant, but didn't even want to tell my husband until I was sure.
So I got a home test and took it to work with me one evening. (I was working nights transcribing reports at a police department in Texas at the time.) I took the test and tried not to tap my feet too loudly in the bathroom stall, not wanting to leave until I knew - because I didn't want anyone to walk in on me with my stick out (ooooh, that sounds bad, doesn't it? *LOL*) at the sink. THEN I had to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the shift; well "had to" is relative, but I thought DH should probably hear it first. When I walked in the door the next morning, he was sitting at the computer (I know, big surprise) and I said, "Oh, good! You're sitting down."
We decided NOT to tell his mom right off that time around, halfway because of comments she had made relative to our being able to afford any more children, and partially because of my health concerns and would the pregnancy go to term.
When we got the news from the amnio that she was ok genetically (and that she was a girl), I went straight to Wally World and got a little pink and white striped sleeper for $3.48 off the sale rack. A couple months down the road, when she came to town to visit her sisters and grandchildren, we went to her sister's house where she was staying to visit her. The sleeper was in a WalMart bag and we handed it to Brian and told him to give it to Grammy.
She opened it and saw the outfit, pulled it out of the bag and held it up. "What is this," she asked. "IT'S FOR MY BABY SISTER," Brian replied.
Then the water works came.
There is a resident at work that I call "sister" sometimes. "N" is almost exactly 10 years older than me. We're about the same body style/shape and now that I've gotten my hair cut, we look the same there too (except my hair is naturally curly and hers is not). She is non-verbal, but I've learned over the course of the past year that she sings monosyllabic (duh-duh-duh) versions of "Jesus Loves Me" and "Happy Birthday"!
I get frustrated sometimes because she can't tell me when or where she hurts. But it is easy to tell when that is the case, because she becomes very obstinate (almost combative at times) ... gee, that sounds familiar too! *lol* My husband will probably tell you that I get really, REALLY quiet when I'm upset or in pain and can be quite the biotch.
"N"'s birthday is 5 days before mine.
She has myriad physical and medical issues as well. She can walk, but requires two helpers and a gait belt and is still extremely unsteady. Most of the time she is in a wheelchair, a recliner or her bed. But she tries to assist in her care anyway. Some of the other residents cannot or will not help, the former being one of those things that is what it is and you just have to deal with it, because if it was you ... or a relative of yours, you would want them to have the very best care possible. Some residents go out of their way to make things more difficult and that can be downright aggravating sometimes, but we walk a delicate line between assisting them in becoming more independent and allowing them to exercise that independence. (I'll get back on topic now.)
"N" is also prone to seizures. I've had to help hold her at times when the nurse has given her a shot of anti-seizure med and it has not been easy.
"N" is a good hugger and her smile can light up my day.
*****
Now, for my daughter.
This is my little angel at a couple of months old. I was beginning to think that I would never have the chance to have a little girl of my own. I was getting towards the end of "traditional" child-bearing years (whatever that means) and it had been four years since I had been preggers. I began to suspect that I was pregnant, but didn't even want to tell my husband until I was sure.
So I got a home test and took it to work with me one evening. (I was working nights transcribing reports at a police department in Texas at the time.) I took the test and tried not to tap my feet too loudly in the bathroom stall, not wanting to leave until I knew - because I didn't want anyone to walk in on me with my stick out (ooooh, that sounds bad, doesn't it? *LOL*) at the sink. THEN I had to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the shift; well "had to" is relative, but I thought DH should probably hear it first. When I walked in the door the next morning, he was sitting at the computer (I know, big surprise) and I said, "Oh, good! You're sitting down."
We decided NOT to tell his mom right off that time around, halfway because of comments she had made relative to our being able to afford any more children, and partially because of my health concerns and would the pregnancy go to term.
When we got the news from the amnio that she was ok genetically (and that she was a girl), I went straight to Wally World and got a little pink and white striped sleeper for $3.48 off the sale rack. A couple months down the road, when she came to town to visit her sisters and grandchildren, we went to her sister's house where she was staying to visit her. The sleeper was in a WalMart bag and we handed it to Brian and told him to give it to Grammy.
She opened it and saw the outfit, pulled it out of the bag and held it up. "What is this," she asked. "IT'S FOR MY BABY SISTER," Brian replied.
Then the water works came.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
SONS AND BROTHERS - October 2007
I know, I know, the picture is skattywhompus (scat-e-wahm-puss), but it's the only one I readily had showing my brother. He is 22 months older than me and has had a beard as long as I can remember. It is odd to see pictures of him when he was a child ... and not having a beard.
My favorite childhood memory of my brother happens when I lost a tooth and put it under my pillow for the Tooth Fairy. In the morning, the tooth was still there. I went into near-hysterics because TF had forgotten me, and my brother went to his own piggy bank, dug out a quarter (I understand TF prices have not been immune to inflation since then) and gave it to me.
Bro is also an amazing pianist and organist. He played the organ for years at my mother's church, and still does on occasion, even though she cannot attend regularly anymore. He accompanies voice students at the University of Utah, has played for the Utah Opera and too many other places to mention.
The more I get to know him, the more I like him. :)
These, on the other hand, are my boys. The older one, TOO busy eating to look up from his plate, is said to look more like me. The younger one, who was considering walking off with the serving plate of fruit and dip, has been said to be the spitting image of his paternal grandfather (Papaw) at that age.I'll call the older one "Sir" (part of a nickname from his younger years), and the younger son "Squire" (from the same shared nickname)
The first time I saw Sir was in a delivery-induced medical haze, on the side and being wheeled out of the room to go on oxygen for a while. DH brought me a Polaroid picture of him in the nursery...it scared me. The first time I really saw him (and got to hold him) was about 24 hours later, when the nurses brought his bassinet into my room and closed the door. That scared me even more. What the heck was I supposed to do now?
I actually got to hold Squire right after he was born (and they had washed the icky stuff off). That was a shock. I wasn't expecting it, maybe from not having been able to hold his older brother until the next day. Whenever Squire is feeling down (he can be sensitive at times), I tell him that story and how special that was to me, because he was the only one of my 3 children I got to hold right after he was born. I think it helps him; it seems to anyway.
If you'd care to share about your brother(s) and sons(s), feel free, or post in your own blog and leave a link in your comment here! :)
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
HOME - October 2007
I hate it when blogs go away. I had posted a great entry on Homes to an old blog of the same name at selectablog.com, then went there one day and it was gone! ARGH! So, I start over ... again.
What is a "home". Dictionary.com has 31 definitions under the word "home". I'll go with #2 as my favorite, which is "the place in which one's domestic affections are centered".
For me, it doesn't matter where you lay your head at night, a mansion, an apartment, a trailer, a tent, a lean-to ... house and "home" are two different things. Why lay your head in luxury if there is no home. (OK, maybe once in a while on vacation.) And love can even make a stone pillow feel a little softer.
So, it doesn't matter where you live, but more how you live, that makes a house a home. There is a great sense of 'belonging' or 'fit' in a home. This also allows the concept of home to extend beyond the 'domestic' units mentioned above, to work and social settings. There are 18 cottages where I work, that house the residents. One of them is definitely my 'home', because I belong there.
Many of the Mommy Bloggers out there write about their homes, more than their houses. While I enjoy the occasional "house improvement" (yeah, I know the expression is 'home' improvement) entry, I am more interested in how someone and their family reacted to or dealt with the situation. Human interest, ya know.
One of the definitions I found listed home as "(in games) the destination or goal". After work, we want to go home. If you are like me, after the dentist, you want to go home. After school, kids want to go home ... and then leave their homework there while they go to the mall or to a friend's house. You can always retreat to and regenerate at a home. Homes nourish our souls.
So, how do we strengthen our homes? Have family mealtimes, tell the people in your family that you love them (and mean it), and don't spend too much time on the computer! *lol* (I really shouldn't talk because I owe my house and home and family to the computer. DH and I 'met' online a year before we met in that bus station in Salt Lake City.)
How will you strengthen your home this month? I invite you to leave a comment with your answer! :)
What is a "home". Dictionary.com has 31 definitions under the word "home". I'll go with #2 as my favorite, which is "the place in which one's domestic affections are centered".
For me, it doesn't matter where you lay your head at night, a mansion, an apartment, a trailer, a tent, a lean-to ... house and "home" are two different things. Why lay your head in luxury if there is no home. (OK, maybe once in a while on vacation.) And love can even make a stone pillow feel a little softer.
So, it doesn't matter where you live, but more how you live, that makes a house a home. There is a great sense of 'belonging' or 'fit' in a home. This also allows the concept of home to extend beyond the 'domestic' units mentioned above, to work and social settings. There are 18 cottages where I work, that house the residents. One of them is definitely my 'home', because I belong there.
Many of the Mommy Bloggers out there write about their homes, more than their houses. While I enjoy the occasional "house improvement" (yeah, I know the expression is 'home' improvement) entry, I am more interested in how someone and their family reacted to or dealt with the situation. Human interest, ya know.
One of the definitions I found listed home as "(in games) the destination or goal". After work, we want to go home. If you are like me, after the dentist, you want to go home. After school, kids want to go home ... and then leave their homework there while they go to the mall or to a friend's house. You can always retreat to and regenerate at a home. Homes nourish our souls.
So, how do we strengthen our homes? Have family mealtimes, tell the people in your family that you love them (and mean it), and don't spend too much time on the computer! *lol* (I really shouldn't talk because I owe my house and home and family to the computer. DH and I 'met' online a year before we met in that bus station in Salt Lake City.)
How will you strengthen your home this month? I invite you to leave a comment with your answer! :)
Monday, October 1, 2007
Family - October 2007
Families come in all shapes and sizes. Some are the "average" family: father, mother and 2.4 children (I guess that means they have one on the way). *LOL* Some are single parent families. Some are blended families, with "steps" of every shape and sort. Some are foster families. Some are adopted families.
There are also work families, project families, worship families ... you name any group of people and you can probably form some type of family relationship within that group.
But for the sake of simplicity, and because I have the most experience with the "traditional" form of family (in my case, father, mother, three children) that's how I will write about a family. Please make whatever changes necessary to fit how your family distributes those roles or functions.
In a 1950's traditional family, the father goes out to work, the mother stays home and does the child-rearing, the kids go to school and all is right with the world. This is rarely the case these days. I would hazard a guess that many families with two parents have both of them working, maybe even both full-time. Sometimes this is necessary. We could use more than one income in my family - as we regularly run out of paycheck before the pay period is over. But we do ok.
IMO, if both parents work in order that the family can purchase a house in which to live, that is a "good" reason to be absent from the family. If both parents work so they can get a boat or the latest in electronics etc, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. BUT, before people start screaming, that's just how it is for me and my family. If those items are priorities for you and your family, then it suits you.
I guess my point is, make the most of the time you have together as a family. Here are some random thoughts on how that can happen (feel free to add your own):
- parents help children with homework
- volunteer together as a family
- have as many meals together as a family during the week as possible
- have a chore chart that includes everyone old enough to help, including mom and dad.
- parents volunteer at your child's/children's school(s). They may not say it, but your kids really get a charge out of their parent(s) being there.
- teach children how to cook (so they can help prepare the family's meals).
- watch a movie "en famille" complete with popcorn and drinks.
- go to a worship service together.
Here's to the strengthening of your family this month and every month!
There are also work families, project families, worship families ... you name any group of people and you can probably form some type of family relationship within that group.
But for the sake of simplicity, and because I have the most experience with the "traditional" form of family (in my case, father, mother, three children) that's how I will write about a family. Please make whatever changes necessary to fit how your family distributes those roles or functions.
In a 1950's traditional family, the father goes out to work, the mother stays home and does the child-rearing, the kids go to school and all is right with the world. This is rarely the case these days. I would hazard a guess that many families with two parents have both of them working, maybe even both full-time. Sometimes this is necessary. We could use more than one income in my family - as we regularly run out of paycheck before the pay period is over. But we do ok.
IMO, if both parents work in order that the family can purchase a house in which to live, that is a "good" reason to be absent from the family. If both parents work so they can get a boat or the latest in electronics etc, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. BUT, before people start screaming, that's just how it is for me and my family. If those items are priorities for you and your family, then it suits you.
I guess my point is, make the most of the time you have together as a family. Here are some random thoughts on how that can happen (feel free to add your own):
- parents help children with homework
- volunteer together as a family
- have as many meals together as a family during the week as possible
- have a chore chart that includes everyone old enough to help, including mom and dad.
- parents volunteer at your child's/children's school(s). They may not say it, but your kids really get a charge out of their parent(s) being there.
- teach children how to cook (so they can help prepare the family's meals).
- watch a movie "en famille" complete with popcorn and drinks.
- go to a worship service together.
Here's to the strengthening of your family this month and every month!
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