MARRIAGE - October 2007

I have been married twice. Both times I met the man over the internet, in role-playing games. The first time, I didn't meet the man face to face until about 4 hours before we got married. (I KNOW, I KNOW, BUT I WAS YOUNGER AND STUPID(ER) THEN! I also plead temporary insanity.)

Looking back, I don't think he wanted to be married. Either that, or our ideas on what a marriage should be were vastly divergent. He wanted a place to crash and food in the refrigerator without having to do much for it. I wanted a husband and down the line a family.

We had six months ... that didn't leave much time for the family part. The 'legal' marriage lasted a while longer, only because I couldn't afford (even with pauper filing) the fees, and he didn't care one way or the other, provided he was out of SLC and away from the husband of his mistress (who wanted to kill him). But I digress ....

Flash forward 3 years to meeting DH2 in person. He was supposed to come out for a week to visit. He wound up staying. That was 11+ years, one wedding and 3 children ago.

It hasn't always been easy. The first child came a few months before our wedding ... after my first experience at marriage, I wasn't eager at all to try it again. At one point before we found out we were pregnant, he went on a business trip ... that was rumored to be something more ... and I felt he might not come back.

During the first of many job 'hiccups', his employer at the time put a stop-payment on one of his paychecks, and I found out my checking account was almost $1,000 OVERDRAWN a couple of days before the wedding.

I think the biggest challenge we have survived was his multiple "job training trips" to Atlanta and Columbia (?), SC. The "icing on the cake" of that experience was a woman phoning the house one night and me picking up the phone: she asked if DH would take a paternity test for her TWIN BOYS. He was putting the boys to bed when the call came in; I went and told him about the call, and we switched places. When he came back, he said that there was no one on the line. (Well, that'll happen when you hang up on them, now, won't it?)

So why are we still together? I didn't just make promises to DH when we got married, I made promises to God. We have been blessed to be steward-parents to our 3 children. And I wasn't promised it would be easy ... only that it would be worth it.

I believe the marriage partnership is pivotal in making strong homes and families. You may have a differnt arrangement ... just translate into whatever social terms you need to; I'll keep using "marriage" to refer to the partnership of the two heads of household, because that is in my experience.

If you would like to share a tip, or the best and worst of your marriage, or just share some thoughts, please feel free to comment!