IN-LAWS - October 2007

I thought this month I'd start introducin my in-laws to you:

MIL-is the first in-law (to be) that I met. She came to visit DH before we were married and took us shopping (woohoo!). We went into Sears and happened to walk through the children's department. They had some terribly cute baby girl dresses on a rack and I made the mention "Oh, Chris, look at the cute dresses!" She stopped and turned around, "Do y'all have something to tell me?" (We didn't at that time.)

MIL started out being a great source of support. We would talk frequently on the phone and email back and forth. For a time I considered that I was closer to her than to my own mother. (My family has always been so 'formal'.) I thought that if anything ever happened to DH and me that MIL and her husband would be the perfect folks to take care of our kids ... as I truly thought that she would bust a gut to protect and provide for them.

Flash forward a couple of years, one marriage, and two children later. We fell on some hard times and moved the familiy into a motel. Not the optimum environment for children, to be sure, but we were very watchful of the boys.

Anyway, MIL decides that we need "help", and her idea of help at this point was to draw up a 'contract' of how we were to improve ourselves. We were to sign and keep all points of the contract or she would try to get custody of our children. Her SIL, who lived in the same town as us, was to have checked up on us. She did actually come and talk to us once. (I wasn't thrilled about this situation, but my self-esteem was not the best at this time.)

Well, the next thing we know - about two days later - is a knock on our door at night, and a process server with papers showing that MIL has gone ahead and had a court date set up for a hearing to determine our fitness as parents. The most disturbing issue on the papers was the fact that it asked for custody between MIL and DH ... my name wasn't included.

The first court date was about a month after "the" 9/11. MIL was not there. Her lawyer asked for, and was granted, a continuance based on that air travel was too hectic after 9/11. I wish we could have shown that she had criss-crossed the country several times by plane in the interim. She just wanted the court date to be during a planned visit to Ft Worth some weeks down the road.

The week before her visit, Chris said that she told him she was withdrawing the case. I said, "Fine. Let's get the letter saying that from our lawyer." Two days before the hearing, he said that MIL had instructed her lawyer to drop the case, so we didn't need to go to court. I said, "Fine. Unless I have the paper in my hand, I am going to show up anyway." Given all that had happened, I wouldn't put it past her to try and trick us.

Personally, I think she dropped the case because we were not going to let her see the boys until after the hearing. But that's just my opinion.

I am no longer angry at her for trying to get custody of the boys...of course, it's been six years. She asked me that Christmas-time if I hated her and her husband. I said I did not agree with what she had done, but that hate was a waste of my time. She had, by her own admission, not been a stellar mother in her own right and I think part of her thought was that she could make up for that through my children.

Now, we are cordial when we meet. But we don't talk on the phone much, and hardly ever email. And if she ever takes the kids somewhere alone, it is without my knowledge or my blessing.

MIL is very into family and geneaology (which we have in common) and heritage. She's a member of the DAR, Daughters of the American Pilgrims and organizations of that sort. She has good drive, so she has been an officer in quite a few of the organizations to which she belongs, including some state level positions.

She and her husband recently "retired" from San Francisco to Ft Worth, where they both spent time in their youth. They had a house built on land next to a house where she grew up on the north side of town. It is very handicapped accessible (her husband is a triple amputee from the Viet Nam Era) and has a "panic room". I'd kind of like to see that someday.

I'm sure there's more I could write about her, but I'm equally sure that will come out here and there in future posts.

What's your MIL like?